When I was younger, junior high age, I was always worried that my brother Brian was going to die in some stupid gang related bull shit... I would cry myself to sleep, worrying about him. One of his friends shot his girlfriend in the head, killing her, and then immediately came to my parents house. Brian wasn't home yet, but I was outside smoking. No idea he had just shot his girlfriend... He asked me for a smoke and then asked to use the phone. Lorie and I were the only ones home. He paced back and forth the living room. I knew he had to be on drugs or something... Later that night when I found out, I was sick, scared, and even more worried about losing Brian. However, when Brian became a father, everything in his life changed. He became one of the most unselfish people I have ever known. I no longer feared that he would die in some tragic accident.
We became amazingly close. He would call me when he needed to know how long to cook chicken, or what cumin was, or what I thought the best TV (or whatever it was) was to buy. Most of those calls I handed over to Nate... We spent so many nights at my house in Kaysville, just hanging out, Riley, Jaxson, and Steven running around. The parties we would have, sitting out on our deck all hours of the night, him yelling profanities that I'm sure my neighbors enjoyed... (HAHAHA) At times, we were together every single day. I told him and Lorie they were going to have to start paying to eat at my house because they were there almost every night. I will never forget the stupid shit we would do, or at least attempt, like go to Best Buy on Black Friday. We saw the line that wrapped around the building and said "Fuck it, let's go home" Or the time I thought somebody was making bird sounds outside so I yelled "Kaa, Kaa" and he was like "What the hell was that" and I said "Don't you hear those kids? They're fuckin' with us" He laughed so damn hard... "Good times, Good times"
I would talk to Brian about things I don't know that he shared with other people. At least I like to think that. Makes me feel special in a way. Nate used to tease me and say it was like I was talking to my boyfriend... We'd joke and giggle and stay on the phone almost making up things to talk to each other about. He was such a rock, but he had a very deep sensitive side. I would tell him that if something ever happened to Nate and I, that he would be the one that would have to raise my kids... He could be tough on his boys, but they both knew they were LOVED!
Brian was my rock, my protector. I never worried about anyone messing with me. I knew he'd always be on my side. Be there to talk to me when I was mad, scared, happy, whatever. He once came to my Jr. High with some of his friends because this kid had spit in my face... Needless to say, the kid didn't dare to come out of the school. It was so funny. Or the time he chased some guy out of my parents house and down the street when he found out that he had hurt me. He would have killed him if he would've caught him.
The hurt I feel is unbearable at times... The actual physical pain I have is untouchable. He had so many friends, so many GOOD friends. People thought he was the most amazing father they had ever known. And it's true, he was simply amazing. He never held a grudge, he had a way to let it roll off of him. He accepted people for who they were.
Life will never be the same... Who's going to karaoke with me? Stay up sitting around the campfire at the family reunion? You'll still be there, and I'll still talk to you. Feel free to sing with me anytime.
I love you so much! You are my best friend, and you'll probably hope they have earplugs in heaven so that you can turn off my non-stop talking... Like the Flying Dutchman, when he takes Spongebob to Davey Jones locker....
"Big gulps huh? Well, c'ya later"
